You learn a lot from having kids if you pay attention. About yourself. About how things work. Or don't.
One thing I didn't expect to pick up from them was a clearer picture on the impacts of agency. What having it does to you. Not having it. What the illusion of it means. And most importantly what shattering the illusion does.
The kids are all on their way into or out of high school. So agency is always a thing. They don't have a lot.
High school is all about control. Lots or rules. Rules designed for expediency. Rules in service of the governors. Not the governed.
Of course, they are first sold an illusion. Schools tell them they have choice. They are empowered to pick their own path. Own their future.
It's bullshit. Like a shitty roleplaying game. They quickly find out they are passengers in someone else's story. Players in someone else's play.
No matter how good intentioned, that sucks.
It led to a lot of trouble for us parents. We struggled until we figured out what was going on. Until we helped them see the rails they were stuck on.
Then they learned how to work within the structure. Work around it. Bend it. Break it even when they found the right crack.
It helps them to know that the ride they are on will end. They get a graduation day.
Yeah, I just compared the US to teenagers.
How couldn't I? The collective belief in the illusion of the fairness of the justice system. The delusion that laws are magically self executing. The stark denial in facing that this country has never, ever shed the illusion.
Instead we continued to reinforce it and promise one another that we had agency. That we could boot strap ourselves into a brighter future. We won World War II and then beat the commies and made the world safe for democracy...
Or some shit.
Well, now it looks like more people are seeing the illusion for what it is. That the agency they thought they had was always in the hands of someone else. That minority communities have always been right about this shit.
Once you see the structure, you can't unsee it. Now it is a matter of working in it. Bending it. Breaking it where you can.
And graduation day?
It's a long way off. A lot of people need to be held accountable. A lot of laws need to change. A lot of social norms too.
